all alone

Standing alone, passers by watched me, as they thought I had gone mad. My mind coupled their thinking. I indeed HAD gone mad. There I was,,, alone, stranded on an empty bus stop, in spite of a bus strike for 1 hour 17 minutes. Waiting there, still doing nothing. Feeling so numb.
I felt tranquility amidst the honking of horns and roaring of engines. Engrossed in a reverie of thoughts – Did I ever mean anything to anyone? Was anyone bothered about me? Who am I? Just another urban girl lost in the metro? In 17 years of my life , What have I achieved? In THIS same life, I have never ever felt so alone as I do now. But, I haven’t even felt so peaceful and tranquil inside.
I felt lively loneliness as I thought over the various phases of my short life. A journey made pleasurable and joyous in a protective cocoon formed by my loved ones. But it was today that I realized that life would get only more complicated with time as the cocoon would fade out. I stood at a crucial junction of my life, where it was either make or break. I had never imagined it could be so grave. The feeling of responsibility, the urge to make something memorable out of my life, to do my parents proud and rise in my own eyes-facing the whole world confidently.
I would have to do it all alone. No one would or rather could help me. It was all about ME. ME, MYSELF AND I. No one to just hold my hand and say it would be ok…you’ll get through it!! No one to protect me!! Just I left to myself.
You are born alone , you die alone. The journey between birth and death would have to be continued alone and made pleasurable along with your beloved ones, but superficially.
1 hour 17 minutes made me realize this- No matter what, I had to be strong, taking upsets in my stride, I had to rise n fall…ALL ALONE.

daughters' day..

When we were infants and couldnt talk, Mom understood everything...but today we say "MOM U JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!" its like a forwarded text message I got...and its oh so true!!

A daughter-mother relationship is the most complicated one!!

They can be best friends at one moment and sworn enemies another moment!!

A mother is friend,philosopher,guide,mentor to her daughter...no matter what, the ultimate authority on the girl is of her mother's.The daughter becomes more of a friend as she grows up..a support system..the ultimate support to her mother..her reason to live is her daughter..her walking stick in her old years!!

Soo much turbulence and over-protectiveness constitutes this relationship from both sides equally. No matter how much a daughter cribs about her mother and talks stuff about her..but if someone else insults her mother.ohhh she's all ready with her weapons,isn't she?!!

A mother sees her daughter grow up through the phases she herself went through...the stuff she felt when she was her daughter's age....its like the mother lives another life alongside her growing daughter...

Learning so much from each-other in the process of growing up!!

they always say mama's boy and papa's girl..but i guess its more of mama's girl..

a mother's partial to her child be it girl or boy..but isnt it that she connects more with the daughter??

cuz she sees herself in her daughter..

no-one understands a girl better than her mother.

She sees her daughter grow up from a silly monkey-like baby to a lady..a woman..a mother herslf..and loves her nonetheless...protecting her..sheilding her from any problems she might go through....

A mother completes a daughter..and a daughter completes her mother!!

a mother's representative -her daughter..nay??

This might seem as a mother's day article..but, for me..as a daughter..i owe my existence to my mother...

P.S

23rd september 2007

i get to know its daughters' day today!!..didnt even know something like this day was celebrated. Nevertheless, I like it!

bad look week..

well acquainted witha bad hair day we are..n specially girlss..
but I have been experiencinga bad LOOKING week!!....the whole damned week ive been looking terrible!! lack of sleep i guess *yawns*..
darker than wat i am...hair all in a mess...n all this even after i take a nice bath!!..
just nothing goes rite...n i dunt even feel like wearing good clothes...*awwww***....
no really..i mean how many ppl wud go thru this!!..
n though im fully aware dat im filling in all shit..but still..
its just dat I HAVE to write abt this...*yawns again*
guess i shud get some sleep!!

friends...

Friends are like the most precious lil things tat u get in ur life ..RIGHT????
so dats y...i'll be raving about alll my friends today!! absolutely EVERYONE!!!..
so i would rather start with my school friends..the closest ones..
Vinita a.k.a vini- (i NEVER call her dat) ...shes choo chweet!! all are chweet!! but shes like this bestttessst friend of mine ...known her for over 6 yrs now!!..n shes like this complete darling!! tho we keep fighting EVERYDAY!! nota single day we havent fought!!

Deepa no a.k.a- one of my oldest freinds 10 yrs!! phew!! too much!! dun see much of her..but shes this sweetheart yaa!!

Anchita a.ka anchi, munchi, bhaggi- shes got cat eyes!! ..n i hate them sooo much!!..but i completely adore her skin!! lolz..she always keeps on laughing n shes the only one whos come with me to do commerce!! lol..

Shweta a.k.a pati- shes my sukhi dukhi saathi!! a gurl i completely adore !! a rocker chic!!! beauty with brains!! looove her!!

Ruta a.ka bob- shes also a chic ive known for years!!! 10 years!!..hmm.. a complete sweet heart!! n thrs one more thing abt her...she was bornon the same day as mine..only a year before!!..hehehe

okay..so these are the closest ones..n thr are mannny to count....the list just goes on n on...
sailee,medha,sagar,parry,salil..etc etc..
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its time for my dearest college frends...
Madhura a.k.a maddy, mado- one of the first friends i made in college...a lovely bubbly gurl...

Siddhesh a.k.a Sid, FREQUENCY - our frequencies mtach..thinking wavelengths..lolz hence hes called frequency by me...a shweet heart!! tho he gets full-on abusive sumtimes...n yea looves footoball!! which i dont!!

Pranav a.k.a marathe- known him for 4 years!! n dat guy hasnt changed a bit!!..a genuine person...

Gauri a.k.a gau,butli - okay shes the one who gave me the idea about writing abt my freinds so i thank her!!..shes short!! hehehe...dats the only characteristic peculiar abt her!! ehehe...shes gonna get mad wen she reads this!!

Avni a.k.a WTC , lambi- I envy her for her height!!shes 5'8" !! phew!! soo tall!! a compleet rocker!! hehehehe...

Sneha n Nikila-i mention them together cuz they are the two fashion ppl im gonna look up to for help in clothes!!amzingly creative ppl!! they draw soo well..!! n sneha does sum marvellous nailarts!! n nikila takes plaesure in troubling me n amking attempts of NOT talking to me..which turn into faiulres every time!! love them both soo much!!

these are just the ones who are closest to me in college!!

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well the list doesnt stop here...thr area few general friends i want to metion..
Sheena- looks like my twin sister!! yaay!! but apart frm dat its been 3-4 years ive known her!! n shes helped me sooo much!

Goonjan-this guy rocks my world!! yaa completely!! hes soo lovely!! i dunno wat i wudve dun w/o him!! yup!! NOTHING!! tho its not been long since we've known eachother!!...

so i guess dats it,,,tho thr are mannnny freinds...!!!

i know ive just kinda segregated these ppl....but for me its nothing like...teh sctions of collg n school comes..cuz i met them at thses institutions!! irrespective of whr i met them!! i loove them all too much!!
no matter where i go...these guys are gonna be a part of me!!...I am tooday everything with a few things taken frm everyone of these!!!

nana's 75th b day

16th july.

i know its a bit late..but still i just HAVE to write this..

16th july..my grandfather turned 75!!...one of the major milestones in HIS life as well as all of themm close to him..

Had been to a resort to celebrate it with his complete extended family..merry making drinking...cheering to his health!! ..

It made me realise how much my grandpa meant to me....

not only him but my whole family..

travelling with family is one of the best things one can experience...

my cousins all are abt 7 yrs whereas im 17!! lolz...

i just realised dat i love all of them soo much!!.

ok so coming to the resort part..the day started with breakfast at grandpa's(henceforth referred to as abba)..at madras cafe!! where he used to have his breakfast in his teens....then travelling near nashik to this resort..

it was kind of a water park...water slides..with kids....it was amazing!! seeing the million dollar smile on abba's face was worth everything!!..

evening...wen the extended family arrives....with drinks n food....n then the cake cut, champagne popped!!!...

phew!! tiring!! satyed over at nite..then while returning went go-karting!!!..

it was such a lovely lovely experience!!

you..

YOU
People come, people go,
Some please, Some repulse,
Some like me, some don’t:
Some leave an everlasting impression,
While some cannot be recollected,
I scroll through memories today,
Standing where I used to stay,
MY childhood, my parents, my friends, my relatives,
The people I was once acquainted with,
Flashes of them bring impulse reactions,
They all have come and gone,
While I stand ..all alone..
As my life..that lively person within,
Betrays me, leaving me lifeless, alone, abandoned,
My shadow lost, tears overflowed,
Over the happy times together
With my only sheer source of joy..YOU
As she walks by..I reminisce,
Flashes of happiest times..with YOU..
With only one thing in mind..Why do all good things come to an end?

Eating litchies

Eating litchies…..
Reminds me of Barbie…not the doll…but the angel disguised in human form.
My best pal in Nepal…amidst the Katmandu valley..
We both sat there eating lichis .. licking churan.. running down the slopes of the valley. Pondering over the height of Himalayas. All of 8 years..broken teeth..she called me didi at the age of 11 ½. Gave me a sense of belonging to hers!!!
Waiting ever year for me to return….
Seeing her joy when I called out her name when I return…be it at 2 am or 2 pm….
Eating barbeque chicken at the captain’s house. Playing with the kanchas…dressing up her dolls…*barbie’s barbies* ..though I didn’t like it…I did it for her…I did everything I could for her… bunk going to casinos cuz she wasn’t well…or just plain she didn’t want me to go and stay up with her…sharing almost all meals in the day and watching small wonders together..getting screwed by my nani and her dadi….oh what days!! What days!!..of sheer, pure innocence and happiness and ignorance!!!!
All I can term it now is as a careless memory!!!...a person I would never think I would get sooo attached to…. I don’t know whether she remembers!!! But those were my holidays in Nepal…every year for 6years!!!! With Barbie!!..One of my fondest memories of Childhood…
Ah haa a careless memory of a friendship in nepal….

Eating litchies
So easy to disturb with a thought with a whisperWith a careless memory with a careless memoryWith a careless memory with a careless memoryWith a careless memory
Eating litchis….

Spirit of Mumbai

We all have been well aware of the ladies seats and the seats reserved for the old people and the handicapped Today people know that these seats are meant for them.
Okay…so me being a ladeez (ladies-lady) , I was sitting on the reserved ladies seat. Suddenly an old man with his usual walking stick ,staring at me pathetically boards the bus. And now I,like an angel got up n offered him my ladeej seat. *What was I thinking*.
The bus halts at king circle and a mob of furious ladies all set to kill for a seat boarded the bus. A lady with her massive hairdo and atrocious make up comes making her way in front of thr\e ladies seta where the old man is sitting. “Uncle ye ladies seat hai!!!”, she taunts garrulously. I mean what sort of a person will make an old man who can barely walk get up for a dumb seat!!! All this while I-the angel was sitting on the seat for the handicapped which had become vacant in the meanwhile. So coming back to the scenario: The old man gets up. A sudden urge and I get up n offer him my seat again(the reserved for the handicapped).He sits and all is peaceful.*phew*. The bus stops at jain society-sion. An old female boards the bus. Working her way till the ladies seat she finds all of them occupied by ladies only.Here the angelic me cannot offer her a seat as I too am standing. Then an oldy sitting on the old people’s seat prompts the younger woman besides him to get up and offer her seat. But the woman doesn’t pay any heed. Seeing this the ladies behind her started the work of persuading her.Keeping mum all the time she kept giving looks to the oldy. Then a gujju lady started taunting her in gujurati,then the conductor steps in,and then the whole bus!!!! LITERALLY!!!.Just to provide a seat to an old stranger!!! The woman finally gets up. Its like a battle won. This whole incident might just be funny but its depicts the spirit of Mumbai. One who says Mumbai is a rude city should be doomed…*really*..watchya think???...
Okay so now I’m al set to get down…and one more old lady boards the bus…who will fight for her??;;lolz

That night..
Mist blowing mellow….there sat both, on the bench, that night. Hiding away from the world ,so no one could see them ,recognize them. Fingers intertwined, sweet nothings whispered, warm shrugs , brushing of the hair. His protective, possessive ,loving hands stroking the hair falling on her brow. A blank stare . A loving glance. Shifting of seats. Pumping of hearts . One more look A sunken feeling. A feeling of love encompassing them. Surrounded with confusion ,in the bubble of excitement.*teenage excitement* .too happy to be together.…..and the meeting of lips. A mellow breeze flowed. Swaying them both in euphoria. Away from the world…hiding away…..behind the bush…that night..
He made her feel like a woman for the first time in her life…His hands moving on her….neck to waist to thighs. A metamorphosis in her. Growing up, from a small girl to a lady…..
Both still in the bubble of excitement…as it ends….sitting there dazed fingers still interlinked….she holding on to him….sitting close, closer than ever, his soothing hand around her… Pondering over what happened…how it happened and most of all WHY it happened…both sensing the common feeling…the thread that bound them together..LOVE
This could be it, I think I'm in loveIt's love this timeIt just seems to fit, I think I'm in loveThis love is mine

Oh.when you kiss me
know you miss me--and when you're with meThe world just goes awayThe way you hold meThe way you show me that youadore me--oh, when you kiss meOh, yeah
-feeling that day …

I shudder..
As I think about all this.. it brings a smile on my face. A feeling of amusement. And lots of pain. It has the prowess to get a lump to my throat . As I realize the feeling is not left anymore. It flows like water…with an emptiness in it…a thing capable of breeding life but lifeless. I shudder as I know I am all alone. I again smile as I’m reminded of a famous quote “zindagi main akele aayoge akele jayoge”. Quite true I must say. But I become glum as fast as I smiled . feeling as it’s the end of the world..so much pain n so much hatred..between the two souls who claimed to have loved each other….
I thought is all this worth the pain I’m suffering?Was he worth it?Was He worth Me?? The answer was NO!!! different questions but a monosyllabic answer NO!! I deserved better than this brooding!!! Life was a challenge! Call it selfhelp..but still self help is the best help.NO dependence only independence.. I felt free… A bird let out from the cage of self demining!!!

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just random thoughts of a teenage gurl who' gets dumped by her boyfriend...wrote it loong back though...i write whacky stuff!! lolz...