Adieu

Well I thought about what you said and did some thinking of my own.

And I think, this is not what I want. This is probably what I need. To get over. To hide. To run. To escape.

Long since I’ve shut those doors and opened a window from where you could creep in. But somehow every time you rap on that window for me to let you in, I just pretend to be asleep. When you care and I pretend not to. When you hold me tight and I shy away.

I’m trying to make good. I’m trying not to spoil this. I’m trying to break open. But what with your every pull, I repulse. With every step you take towards me, I inch away. It’s like I’m bound. To something invasive. To the fear that I might hold so tight. So tight that I wouldn’t help but smother you.
Jenny loved the way he smiled. The way his nose spread when his lips parted. The warmth in his gaze that shone when he saw her every morning. All that brilliance for what? He did everything he could to make her happy. She enjoyed but was not happy. It didn’t show on her face. The glow of love just wouldn’t show in her liquid hazel eyes, or the quiver of her lip.

There was nothing that she could pin down. She kept going around in circles, washing the dishes, washing his clothes, having sex. There was not one reason that she could give herself to leave. But she knew. Just like he did. She had to leave someday.
He was even surprised they had crossed the decade. But despite being aware, he fought her, till the very end. Brought out his best to keep her satisfied, to keep her happy. He had known her long enough to know how she looked when she was in love. He had seen that then. Never for himself though. He wasn’t competing. He had already lost the battle when she had agreed. Some things just don’t work out, she had said. This one will, he said. Think about it.

She loved him. She just wasn’t sure she was in love with him. He wasn’t just in love with her, he worshiped her.

She went about in her circle; he went about in his car. That night, as he sat on the dinner table, he saw her face. The face that shone with utter radiance. And he knew, that she had made her decision. It took long, but she had realized finally. The trick wouldn’t work that long. She had to leave, she said. Leaving behind a trail of her lavender perfume, the words rung in his ears, well I thought about what you said, and did some thinking of my own.