rEfLeCtiOns..

The New Old

2011-02-05T09:15:00.000-08:00

It was sheer joy when it began and utter despair when it ended. No, ended is not the jargon. Faded is more like it. But what can one do against the entire ‘what ought to be’ component of life? The sweet pain of the lovers and the slow death of the love.
“It ought not to be like this”, he said, in his drunken tone that she was now used to so much. “I Love You too much to let you go. I don’t want to lose you, and I wouldn’t have it otherwise.” “You won’t leave me, will you?” “Of course NOT”, she retorted irritated.
It was a routine. Him drunk, her irritated and sleepy on almost every night that they spoke. Then came the farce of being friends in their sobriety, when all he wanted deep down was to play with that lock of hair and all she wanted was be held in his arms.
It’s stupid how things just intermittently stay within you. Like sometimes they just don’t have an outlet. It was unlike the way they were structured. Neither had the courage to take the first step, knowing exactly what was on the other’s mind. The fear, not of rejection but of loss. Loss of the bond, the relationship and the silent nascent love they shared. The loss of its end. And that feeling prohibited them from granting it the tag of permanency.
“I don’t want to hide it from you anymore. It’s been a week now.” “To what?”, she chirped back. “Me and her dating”, he said with that typical boyish grin on his face.
She was happy, for him, for them. At least, me and him would last, she thought. Not for long, she realized when jealousy crept in to fill the void left out in the puzzle of emotions she felt. It fit just right. Stuck to the piece of love she held for him.
She took her cue and left. He was pre occupied to realize and egotist to accept the void that was left within him after her coy exit.
And then again, like the world happens to be in a circle, they just return back to the place they left. It’s incomplete, it’s sour and it still felt good. It was like old times again. His, her gone and her, him out. What’s left is just them, 4 years older but feeling 20 again.
The feelings are despicable and yet incorrigible when they are poured out in a flush of alcohol. But nonetheless its mutual acceptance at the time.
The morning dawns to a new them in the old phase. And within that ambiguity, the communion that occurs cannot be described.
May be the closure to it or a new beginning.

Slime

2011-02-02T12:14:00.000-08:00

Its inevitable how messed up you are inside. It’s like slime stuck to your skin. The substance rubs off, but the stickiness still prevails. Like the feeling that just won’t leave you alone. Its might wear off after a while, but when you touch that part of your skin accidentally, intentionally, the sticky slime can still be felt. You’ll do everything to hide the slimy feeling from the world. Not let them see the grim substance stuck to you. It’s just you who knows exactly where it is, how greasy it is and how irksome it is to deal with it.
But that’s the entire point of the slime. The intelligible truth under the intelligible lie.

The 'X' Factor

2010-12-19T09:56:00.001-08:00

I’ve often wondered how it would have been had I not gone through all that at all. All that which made me cry, all that which made me miserable and all that which I didn’t want to undergo and thought could never overcome. The storm that I never imagined would pass every time it struck. The invisible scars that stayed ever so long.
But it is the survival instinct in a human per se that triumphs over all of it. The basic raw disposition of the human mind and heart alike. The itch to move on and feel happy again. Amidst the ocean wide vastness of the miseries, there is always laying a float somewhere. Hidden in the turbulent water or the calm of the sea. It is always there. Something that eggs u on. On towards greater and larger things.
To learn that life is not as difficult as we perceive it to be. It is as simple as an algebra problem. You only have to practice to solve it correctly. And then you reach a solution. The value of ‘x’ is then revealed. The value of ‘x’ that gives you the perfect equation. The value, the worth of an unknown variable. The unknown variable which is the ray of hope, the itch that eggs you on, the float amidst the ocean.
Optimism.
And then I realized, if I wouldn’t have gone through all that, I wouldn’t be me at all.

When WE got Preggers

2010-10-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

It’s the most natural process of all. Birth. In humans and animals alike. The emotional quotient might just be higher when it comes to humans. Apart from all of that, I doubt any woman could forget the entire process of the transformation. The growth of the foetus to a baby.
And who else could ask for a similar experience at the age of 20, not married, but happily pregnant single girls, making the baby. Making it together. All 3 of them.
Making the baby, needs planning. Planned it was. No co-incidence. Like you just know that you want to have a baby with this person. And all of us wanted the baby. Together and as one can put it, with the same man.
With a lot of efforts, withdrawal symptoms and research. And then it we realized it was there. Right there. In its nascent form. All of it then began. As the memorandum was nurtured, from the beginning. Just like you would with a baby in the belly. With seniors and well-wishers telling you what to do what not to do. With the utmost care, to not miscarry it. You guard it, protect it. More than your dear life. That’s how much you give in to the process. As it grows. Part by part, to form a whole. The anticipation. The wait.
Once that ordeal is over, you wait for the water to break. And it breaks. In the preliminary round, without the slightest warning. Unexpectedly. Then start the labour pains. It pains and how! Six rounds everyday, 48 hours of labour and eventually at the end of the second day you are relieved of the pain. To experience joy, mirth and that twinkle in your eye as you behold its beauty. The gleaming sparkle, to watch your reflection in it, rugged but beautiful as you touch it. You are proud, happy, overjoyed. Filled up to the brim with emotions. One chokes, other dances and another is speechless. As each of them hold it. The Baby. Our Baby. The Trophy.
And this is how we got preggers and made the baby. With? Sir Henry.
I don’t know how many people will relate to it. I hope the other 2 women involved with me do. That is what happens, this is how you feel when you see your efforts culminate into something. Something that was important to you has borne some result.
What can I say? Perhaps I’m Mad. But as Sandor says, I have Imagination. –Gallowglass, Barbara Vine.

To the Us that Never Was

2010-09-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

What does one do? When you realize that you lived a lie? A make believe life that you lead. Not for a day. Not for a week. Not for a month. But, one whole year.
As the mirage breaks and you finally see beyond what YOU felt was the reality. That the way you felt, the way you reacted to all his actions was nothing but an illusion. That, you made a mistake when, even for the remotest moment you wished it should have worked out. Because if you would have, it would still be the illusion you were made to live in. The reality that never was. The Us, that never even existed. And this is when the beauty shatters. When there is remorse as well as regret. When there is someone to blame and it’s not you. It did not fall apart for no reason. And you can no longer smile when you think about it. Because all you are left with is the fallacy of the entire situation. All the exceptions made were not even worth anything.
Someone told me, You will get over it when you are glad that it happened. So here I am. Glad that there no longer is a We. Not just trying to get over it, but actually doing it. Because It was never worth sticking to. Believing in the efforts that someone put, not to make me happy, but to convince themselves to go along with the lie. Making exceptions, putting all those efforts and loving more than I let out. Looking beyond the stupidity, the things that people said and most importantly beyond my instincts. The fact that I had given in too much to take back. All blown away. Ironically, not even blown away, because nothing even existed.
It is like you chose between Chocolate and Vanilla ice cream. You decide that you want Chocolate, eat it half way and realize that you always preferred Vanilla. That the Chocolate ice cream was never what you liked. But isn’t it that when you make a choice you stand by it? If you did choose the chocolate ice cream, wouldn’t you finish it off? Rather than just letting it melt away in the dump? When you are not sure, why make the choice? Give someone the upper edge and then just cut them off?
Irrelevant questions as they become. They will never get answered. Ever. And that’s when I realized. We could neither grow nor fade. Because we always were stagnant. Just that I did not know that before and you always did. That’s where it hurt. The moments now washed away. The moments that were spurious.

To Us

2010-09-13T12:34:00.000-07:00

What goes around, comes around.
Delhi. It started here. I'm here again. Tonight.
I'm trying. Getting over it.

Sometimes, it just falls apart. When there's no one to blame. As the feeling still floats in the air. The ache. Without the remorse, the regret.You just throw it all away.
As the wounds heal themselves with time, you often wonder, how it was, why it was. How could we have brought it to an end?
As you reminisce, you realize the beauty of it all. You might just regret feeling the way you did, but the splendor is undeniable. Something that intense and pure. And you still smile when you think about it. Smile, for the efforts made, the tears shed, the love you shared and the joy it brought you. It isn't an illusion. the reality of it. All in one. The exceptions we made. The fact that I was willing to make one more. The fact that we wanted it to work. But it didn't. I miss it.
There's no Us now.
Someone once told me, you either grow from here or fade. We faded.But the moments, still remain. With me, with you...
Thank you, GD.

Still got Sand in My Shoes...

2010-07-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

And only when you think you’ve become disconnected with your older self, you somehow inadvertently get back to the way you were. If not completely, at least the faint trace of the person you were. The insinuation, the allusion that starts showing all around you. Walking through the beach just how you get sand in your shoes and it stays there. Not completely, but the slight tickle on your foot, jabbing at you with full force. Small grains of sand but emphasizing their presence with every step you put forward. Just like your past. Haunting you to bits at one time then jabbing you at the back of your mind. It stays there. The way you were. The way you felt. The way everything was.

With reference to me being disconnected with my past self. The younger me.

The day starts with completely mad shorts. Seeing Gauri at R.A.Podar. Then having lunch at the clinic just like the junior college days 2 years ago. Waiting at the bus stop for 213 so we could travel together. Walking on the abandoned tracks in rains with the planes flying over head. The harbor line travel. The stench of the local. The whiff of air on the footboard of the train. Returning back to something I left behind incomplete 2 years ago. The snip on the hair that looked like the 2 year ago me. And well.. the lip gloss on the pout.

I guess some things never fail to remind you that no matter how far you go, no matter how long it has been you always feel the same way in certain situations. The way you react and reciprocate is the same the way you did before. It makes you realize that no matter how much you change, inherently you just remain the way you were. Something somewhere will always play the right chord from your past and make music. And that is the jab. The thrust that is always in the back of your mind which makes its presence felt. The sand always sticking to my foot after the long walk over the beach of my life. And well what do I say? I still got sand in my shoes..

If Only..

2010-07-06T08:42:00.000-07:00

If Only

happiness was on sale, I'd buy it.

50 kgs was a place, I'd navigate my way till there.

love was an easy thing, I wouldn't fall in it.

sex wasn't a taboo, people wouldn't enjoy it.

anything was indispensable, it was oxygen.

other people's opinion mattered, I wouldn't need my own.

nights were longer, I'd be pretty. (Id get my beauty sleep)

people cared, they'd keep in touch.

there weren't the nights, I wouldn't have appreciated the light.

anyone could predict the future, I wouldn't have to live in the present.

life was a math problem, I'd solve it.

I hadn't had an ex, I wouldn't have had a next.

I was indifferent, I wouldn't be in love.

I knew how to paint, I'd be an artist.

craziness wouldn't dwell in me, I wouldn't be random.

I wasn't bored, I wouldn't post this.

Him and Her

2010-07-06T02:56:00.000-07:00

Him:(on Phone): Hey
Her:(on Phone): Hi, Whats up?

Her:(Scrap on Orkut): *ding dong* *ping pong* *sing a song*
Him: (Scrap on Orkut): gaata rahe mera dil
Her:(on Phone): I'll shoot myself if you sing on phone
Him:(on Phone): I cant sing to you otherwise, because of the distance.
*in a sing song manner* Billy Jean of My Love

Him:(on phone): My friends moving to Sikkim.
Her:(on Phone): Good, Sikkim is a nice place, probably you can go meet him at Sikkim.
Him:(through Yahoo Messenger) : Who the hell wants to go to Sikkim? Why the hell?
Her:(Scrap on Orkut): Peep Sheet!

Him:(through Yahoo Messenger): I love you!
Her:(on Phone): Me too!

Him:(on Phone): We're talking through 3 different mediums, we're so cool!
Her:(through Yahoo Messenger): :D I know.

Date: 21st July 2009
Time: 02.14 hours
<3 <3 <3

01.46 hours

(On Phone)
Him: Hey, I'll call you in a while.
Her: Okay.
|phone rings, Him calls back|
Him: I'm Back! Oh no, wait! Honey! I'm home!
*follows it with a MJ squeek*

04.25 hours

(On phone)
Him: Are you awake?
Her: I answered the call, MEANS I AM awake.I seem sleepy.
Him: Okay. Do you have to get to work tomorrow?
Her: Yes.
Him: Ur dazed and confused. And your dazing me out.
Her: Let me sleep.
Him: I should call tomorrow?
Her: EVIDENTLY!
*click*

|beep for a text|
Him to Her: If your awake come online.

Her: I love you.
Him: What a freaking co-incidence! I love you too!

Him: I love you.
Her: I love you too.
Him: But I love you too much.

Him: Ur so naive. Ignorant.
Her: have you heard? Ignorance is bliss?
Him: have you heard? Sex is Good?

Her: My friend asked me, am I seeing anyone.
Him: Tell him NO!
Her: Why not? I am seeing you.
Him: No. your just talking someone.
(Since Him and Her are in a 'Long Distance' relationship)

Since Its been a long time both are in love and no more in the 'Long Distance Thing'

Him: You ruined my life.
Her: I know. Loved you so much that you are in a state of shock.

Him: I love you woman.
Her: I know. Now go sleep.

Her: You know what that thing, that does that thing to you is?
Him: Yes. Lets do that thing.

Her: He got me presents.
Her Friend: Hes cheating on you.

Her: You're so filthy. Get your hands off me.
Him: Yeah. Im a dirty lil thing.

Her: I tried to punch my hair today.
Him: I'm going to punch myself for dating you.

Him: I wanna have babies with you.
Her: I know, ill add market value to them.

Her: Lets get married.
Him: What? Hang myself?

Him:I think its time.
Her: Sigh! I think so too.

Revival

2010-07-05T11:21:00.000-07:00

Its almost close to being 2 years to my last post. yes.
Since i havent really had the urge nor the need to blog again.

But then its about time I start again.
My facebook Status Message read- I miss ME. Do you?
So the entire point to revive or start regularly blogging is a blend of me missing the way I was 2 years ago and some wild inspiration from Ms. Guneet Caur Ahuja and of course a stint with jaundice that caused me boredom to death.

So now its back to me missing myself. How often does one look back and realize that they have changed so much that they can barely recognize the way they were. Yes, I know, Change is the only Constant in Life. But then change of such vastness?

I could no longer reconnect to my old self. Mad clothes.Lip-Gloss. Random outings. Crazy People to hang out with (I still have them, though they've changed into saner beings now). Messing Around. And most importantly walking around with a I-do-not-care-a-damn attitude, (which i still do, but sometimes it just vanishes).

This is what. Retrospect and hence the Revival.

However, Something that happens just makes you connect with that old self again. The very thing that made you miss it so much.

And now when you feel that way again, you slowly go back to the old self. The self you were.
May be I could do with a regular dab of Lip-Gloss again.

late post...

2008-08-21T01:34:00.000-07:00

Its one of those times that I become too lazy to write in my blog...but still...
Law school and all..very hectic.
A lazy bum that I am, i give this link to all our antics in HNLU..
as in me and my friends...
http://www.outlaw-outstandinglawyers.blogspot.com/
enjoy reading it!! :D \m/

STRIKE!

2008-05-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

The word "strike"..read as "striking"...its because there are so many things that have lately "struck" me..

1. My best friend is one of the best things happened to me. And one lil scrape on her leg can send me into fits of tears!

2. I cant bear to see my father operating in the operation theatre. I fainted the first and the last time I did!

3. I'm suddenly more glad than before that I didn't opt for Science.

4. I love horses! new found hobby : horse riding.

5. I'm either going to scrape through one of the top natinal law colleges OR not make it by 2-3 marks! *frustrating sigh*

6. I need to study for the "back up".

7. I need to start writing sense here!

Thats it! 7 is my lucky number! :P :P

play play n PLAY!

2008-05-12T11:17:00.001-07:00

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The Slap from the Past

2008-05-08T01:01:00.000-07:00

Its one of those days today..where u feel..actually feel the past hitting back. Screaming to u to not do the same mistake again. And you do it. And your Past just slaps u! *thaapaaat*
Its like getting back with your ex knowing somewhere in the back of your mind that its not gonna work, and then it ends. Its like crushing on the old neighbourhood boy all over again when u see his profile picture on facebook, when he STILL doesnt even "know" u.
It can be anything, u know..just that the mistakes we make..we learn, but we still cant control making those mistakes again, sometimes. The age old proverb "A burnt child dreads fire" just cannot be applied to some cases in one's life. Isn't it?
As in..u know u have to study and u remember wasting time and not getting good marks..but yet when exams are round the corner u STILL waste time!

Making mistakes is human..making the same mistakes again? what is it?
Bechaara Past is soo tired of slapping people again and again!
May be one could sum it up like this..."having loved and lost is okay, but having found again and loved and lost all over again (with the same person tho) is foolishness, may be"

P.S: i guess there are too many "may be s" in the post..errr..may be..:P

Smoking Away

2008-05-06T02:40:00.000-07:00

Her dimples seen as she smiled,

The lustrous hair shined,

Puffing up in the air,

He could see the light,

Within her, beneath the boldness, through the smoke,

Pure, Innocent and untouched,

The boundaries of her heart,

Hiding the storm behind a calm,

The deep eyes spoke with a charm,

The walls so high,

Break them not could anybody,

But as she puffs away,

Her innocence seems fake,

Gazing at her, she looked at him,

Deep into her eyes his bore,

Sensing all the love she never knew,

As he still gazed, Captivated,

By the innocence that revelled in the smoke,

And a moment passed that would last forever with him,

As she turned away and smoked again,

Turned back to him,

And smiled through her luscious red lips,

Weak in the knees he was,

As she walked towards him,

Coming close, he could smell her cologne,

As she leaned forward and ordered a drink at the bar,

Gone like the wind she was, smooth and swift,

He still could smell the cologne and the brush of her skin,

And Desire crept in,

He looked at her again and saw the same raw beauty,

Smoking away to glory..

The Untouchable

2008-05-06T02:25:00.000-07:00

Shunned by the world,

Sit I in the corner,

Numb,betrayed and hurt,

All these people-oh so curt,

The cruelty that I bear,

Wrong that I hear,

Abuses that ring,

Auible to the heart as well,

No warmth, no gesture of kindness,

Untouched I was, Untouched I am, still,

Basking in the Modern Era,

I longed to be accepted,

To feel Love, Kndness and Wrmth,

But all i get is Wrath,

All 'cuz I was born not at the heights,

But at a level so low,

That I was only always asked to bow,

I was, The Untouchable...and still am The Untouchable...

In reference to the prevalence of Untouchability in India..which is still practised in the rural areas although it has been abolished under article 17 of the Cnstitution...

As you grow old

2008-04-23T00:21:00.000-07:00

Open those shutters,
Wide awake you see,
Far away from the tale,
Heard once in May,
Pretty fairies bathe, flowers, mirth everywhere,
Now see nothing thee,
Only barren dust all around,
As reality strikes,
Nothing is left but sand,
Clutch it harder,lose it faster,
Memories of childhood to cherish,
As long as thee shall perish,
Eternal joy of youth,
Etched in the mind for life,
Now that thee are wretched,
Beneath the wrinkles that show,
Only the deep eyes that glow,
Reminiscing about the past of gold,
As you grow old..

I DO

2008-04-20T01:17:00.000-07:00

As the wind gushes through,
The beautiful face hidden by the veil,
Misty eyes, scared face,
As she walks down the aisle,
Clutched arm in her Pa's hand,
Sensing his joy and sorrow at once,
Walks she in her snow white,
Maidens running behind,
Carnations in her hand, trembling with excitement,
As she comes to the fore,
Feels the protective arm round her,
Her world, her man to be,
As he smiles and slips the ring,
She hears the words she longed to hear,
"I DO",
And whispers them back,
"I DO",
Blushing, tears running down, the radiance on her face,
As he presses his lips to her,
Drowning in his secure arms all she hears...
"I DO".

Nowhere..

2008-04-19T03:47:00.000-07:00

Away away in the wind I flow,
Feeling liberated and radiant with glow,
Atop a seat, pedaling my way through
Areas unbound, may be to the lush meadows,
I feel free , I feel joy
Unbound and ready to enjoy,
Leaving behind the sorrows of this world,
As my hair sweeps and my face feels the air,
I commence a journey, atop a seat ..pedaling on to..NOWHERE..

Girl..

2008-04-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

The new born wails,

The relatives sigh relief,

As the father enters,

Sees the beauty of his born,

A frown passes by,

The atmosphere changed,the mirth fathomed,

The man who brought it to life,

Goes to deprive the child of its right to life,

It is the mother who weeps,

The baby yearns for the mother,

The child clueless,ignorant of the death to come,

All this only because a girl is the child...

P.S: an extremely late post...was supposed to write it for woman's day..didnt get time. . :( :)

Valentine's day..

2008-02-14T01:11:00.000-08:00

14th february.

ok so its valentine's day and I'm flaunting my date with my "economics paper" at 4! Claiming that my love affair with studies is on the rocks. Oh God! ive done enough...I'm suddenly feeling all so lonely on V-Day. Its soo much over-rated. I mean unnecessarily hyped and all. But i realise I'm cribbing only because I dont ahve a date. Not that i wasnt asked out or can't go out. Its only that with HSC exams round the corner one wouldnt want to "waste" time. As if i havent "wasted" enough time. *duh*

My granny called me to wish me happy Valentine's day just now..as I'm doin this post! OH MY GOD! I'm soo freaking excited! hehehee...It seems she's coming home getting me chocolates!:D .now suddenly Ifeel so happy..irrespective of the "someone" i thought would call hasn't yet called. I mean valentine's day is not only about showing love to the person of opposite sex romantically. It's about showing love to one and all innit?? To your friends , family pets etc etc..

so that's it: Love and let love types :D!

HAPPY VAELENTINE'S DAY!

all alone

2007-10-25T00:14:00.000-07:00

Standing alone, passers by watched me, as they thought I had gone mad. My mind coupled their thinking. I indeed HAD gone mad. There I was,,, alone, stranded on an empty bus stop, in spite of a bus strike for 1 hour 17 minutes. Waiting there, still doing nothing. Feeling so numb.
I felt tranquility amidst the honking of horns and roaring of engines. Engrossed in a reverie of thoughts – Did I ever mean anything to anyone? Was anyone bothered about me? Who am I? Just another urban girl lost in the metro? In 17 years of my life , What have I achieved? In THIS same life, I have never ever felt so alone as I do now. But, I haven’t even felt so peaceful and tranquil inside.
I felt lively loneliness as I thought over the various phases of my short life. A journey made pleasurable and joyous in a protective cocoon formed by my loved ones. But it was today that I realized that life would get only more complicated with time as the cocoon would fade out. I stood at a crucial junction of my life, where it was either make or break. I had never imagined it could be so grave. The feeling of responsibility, the urge to make something memorable out of my life, to do my parents proud and rise in my own eyes-facing the whole world confidently.
I would have to do it all alone. No one would or rather could help me. It was all about ME. ME, MYSELF AND I. No one to just hold my hand and say it would be ok…you’ll get through it!! No one to protect me!! Just I left to myself.
You are born alone , you die alone. The journey between birth and death would have to be continued alone and made pleasurable along with your beloved ones, but superficially.
1 hour 17 minutes made me realize this- No matter what, I had to be strong, taking upsets in my stride, I had to rise n fall…ALL ALONE.

daughters' day..

2007-09-23T09:27:00.001-07:00

When we were infants and couldnt talk, Mom understood everything...but today we say "MOM U JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!" its like a forwarded text message I got...and its oh so true!!

A daughter-mother relationship is the most complicated one!!

They can be best friends at one moment and sworn enemies another moment!!

A mother is friend,philosopher,guide,mentor to her daughter...no matter what, the ultimate authority on the girl is of her mother's.The daughter becomes more of a friend as she grows up..a support system..the ultimate support to her mother..her reason to live is her daughter..her walking stick in her old years!!

Soo much turbulence and over-protectiveness constitutes this relationship from both sides equally. No matter how much a daughter cribs about her mother and talks stuff about her..but if someone else insults her mother.ohhh she's all ready with her weapons,isn't she?!!

A mother sees her daughter grow up through the phases she herself went through...the stuff she felt when she was her daughter's age....its like the mother lives another life alongside her growing daughter...

Learning so much from each-other in the process of growing up!!

they always say mama's boy and papa's girl..but i guess its more of mama's girl..

a mother's partial to her child be it girl or boy..but isnt it that she connects more with the daughter??

cuz she sees herself in her daughter..

no-one understands a girl better than her mother.

She sees her daughter grow up from a silly monkey-like baby to a lady..a woman..a mother herslf..and loves her nonetheless...protecting her..sheilding her from any problems she might go through....

A mother completes a daughter..and a daughter completes her mother!!

a mother's representative -her daughter..nay??

This might seem as a mother's day article..but, for me..as a daughter..i owe my existence to my mother...

P.S

23rd september 2007

i get to know its daughters' day today!!..didnt even know something like this day was celebrated. Nevertheless, I like it!

bad look week..

2007-08-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

well acquainted witha bad hair day we are..n specially girlss..
but I have been experiencinga bad LOOKING week!!....the whole damned week ive been looking terrible!! lack of sleep i guess *yawns*..
darker than wat i am...hair all in a mess...n all this even after i take a nice bath!!..
just nothing goes rite...n i dunt even feel like wearing good clothes...*awwww***....
no really..i mean how many ppl wud go thru this!!..
n though im fully aware dat im filling in all shit..but still..
its just dat I HAVE to write abt this...*yawns again*
guess i shud get some sleep!!

friends...

2007-07-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

Friends are like the most precious lil things tat u get in ur life ..RIGHT????
so dats y...i'll be raving about alll my friends today!! absolutely EVERYONE!!!..
so i would rather start with my school friends..the closest ones..
Vinita a.k.a vini- (i NEVER call her dat) ...shes choo chweet!! all are chweet!! but shes like this bestttessst friend of mine ...known her for over 6 yrs now!!..n shes like this complete darling!! tho we keep fighting EVERYDAY!! nota single day we havent fought!!

Deepa no a.k.a- one of my oldest freinds 10 yrs!! phew!! too much!! dun see much of her..but shes this sweetheart yaa!!

Anchita a.ka anchi, munchi, bhaggi- shes got cat eyes!! ..n i hate them sooo much!!..but i completely adore her skin!! lolz..she always keeps on laughing n shes the only one whos come with me to do commerce!! lol..

Shweta a.k.a pati- shes my sukhi dukhi saathi!! a gurl i completely adore !! a rocker chic!!! beauty with brains!! looove her!!

Ruta a.ka bob- shes also a chic ive known for years!!! 10 years!!..hmm.. a complete sweet heart!! n thrs one more thing abt her...she was bornon the same day as mine..only a year before!!..hehehe

okay..so these are the closest ones..n thr are mannny to count....the list just goes on n on...
sailee,medha,sagar,parry,salil..etc etc..
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its time for my dearest college frends...
Madhura a.k.a maddy, mado- one of the first friends i made in college...a lovely bubbly gurl...

Siddhesh a.k.a Sid, FREQUENCY - our frequencies mtach..thinking wavelengths..lolz hence hes called frequency by me...a shweet heart!! tho he gets full-on abusive sumtimes...n yea looves footoball!! which i dont!!

Pranav a.k.a marathe- known him for 4 years!! n dat guy hasnt changed a bit!!..a genuine person...

Gauri a.k.a gau,butli - okay shes the one who gave me the idea about writing abt my freinds so i thank her!!..shes short!! hehehe...dats the only characteristic peculiar abt her!! ehehe...shes gonna get mad wen she reads this!!

Avni a.k.a WTC , lambi- I envy her for her height!!shes 5'8" !! phew!! soo tall!! a compleet rocker!! hehehehe...

Sneha n Nikila-i mention them together cuz they are the two fashion ppl im gonna look up to for help in clothes!!amzingly creative ppl!! they draw soo well..!! n sneha does sum marvellous nailarts!! n nikila takes plaesure in troubling me n amking attempts of NOT talking to me..which turn into faiulres every time!! love them both soo much!!

these are just the ones who are closest to me in college!!

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well the list doesnt stop here...thr area few general friends i want to metion..
Sheena- looks like my twin sister!! yaay!! but apart frm dat its been 3-4 years ive known her!! n shes helped me sooo much!

Goonjan-this guy rocks my world!! yaa completely!! hes soo lovely!! i dunno wat i wudve dun w/o him!! yup!! NOTHING!! tho its not been long since we've known eachother!!...

so i guess dats it,,,tho thr are mannnny freinds...!!!

i know ive just kinda segregated these ppl....but for me its nothing like...teh sctions of collg n school comes..cuz i met them at thses institutions!! irrespective of whr i met them!! i loove them all too much!!
no matter where i go...these guys are gonna be a part of me!!...I am tooday everything with a few things taken frm everyone of these!!!

nana's 75th b day

2007-07-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

16th july.

i know its a bit late..but still i just HAVE to write this..

16th july..my grandfather turned 75!!...one of the major milestones in HIS life as well as all of themm close to him..

Had been to a resort to celebrate it with his complete extended family..merry making drinking...cheering to his health!! ..

It made me realise how much my grandpa meant to me....

not only him but my whole family..

travelling with family is one of the best things one can experience...

my cousins all are abt 7 yrs whereas im 17!! lolz...

i just realised dat i love all of them soo much!!.

ok so coming to the resort part..the day started with breakfast at grandpa's(henceforth referred to as abba)..at madras cafe!! where he used to have his breakfast in his teens....then travelling near nashik to this resort..

it was kind of a water park...water slides..with kids....it was amazing!! seeing the million dollar smile on abba's face was worth everything!!..

evening...wen the extended family arrives....with drinks n food....n then the cake cut, champagne popped!!!...

phew!! tiring!! satyed over at nite..then while returning went go-karting!!!..

it was such a lovely lovely experience!!

you..

2007-07-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

YOU
People come, people go,
Some please, Some repulse,
Some like me, some don’t:
Some leave an everlasting impression,
While some cannot be recollected,
I scroll through memories today,
Standing where I used to stay,
MY childhood, my parents, my friends, my relatives,
The people I was once acquainted with,
Flashes of them bring impulse reactions,
They all have come and gone,
While I stand ..all alone..
As my life..that lively person within,
Betrays me, leaving me lifeless, alone, abandoned,
My shadow lost, tears overflowed,
Over the happy times together
With my only sheer source of joy..YOU
As she walks by..I reminisce,
Flashes of happiest times..with YOU..
With only one thing in mind..Why do all good things come to an end?

Eating litchies

2007-07-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

Eating litchies…..
Reminds me of Barbie…not the doll…but the angel disguised in human form.
My best pal in Nepal…amidst the Katmandu valley..
We both sat there eating lichis .. licking churan.. running down the slopes of the valley. Pondering over the height of Himalayas. All of 8 years..broken teeth..she called me didi at the age of 11 ½. Gave me a sense of belonging to hers!!!
Waiting ever year for me to return….
Seeing her joy when I called out her name when I return…be it at 2 am or 2 pm….
Eating barbeque chicken at the captain’s house. Playing with the kanchas…dressing up her dolls…*barbie’s barbies* ..though I didn’t like it…I did it for her…I did everything I could for her… bunk going to casinos cuz she wasn’t well…or just plain she didn’t want me to go and stay up with her…sharing almost all meals in the day and watching small wonders together..getting screwed by my nani and her dadi….oh what days!! What days!!..of sheer, pure innocence and happiness and ignorance!!!!
All I can term it now is as a careless memory!!!...a person I would never think I would get sooo attached to…. I don’t know whether she remembers!!! But those were my holidays in Nepal…every year for 6years!!!! With Barbie!!..One of my fondest memories of Childhood…
Ah haa a careless memory of a friendship in nepal….

Eating litchies
So easy to disturb with a thought with a whisperWith a careless memory with a careless memoryWith a careless memory with a careless memoryWith a careless memory
Eating litchis….

Spirit of Mumbai

2007-07-13T10:33:00.000-07:00

We all have been well aware of the ladies seats and the seats reserved for the old people and the handicapped Today people know that these seats are meant for them.
Okay…so me being a ladeez (ladies-lady) , I was sitting on the reserved ladies seat. Suddenly an old man with his usual walking stick ,staring at me pathetically boards the bus. And now I,like an angel got up n offered him my ladeej seat. *What was I thinking*.
The bus halts at king circle and a mob of furious ladies all set to kill for a seat boarded the bus. A lady with her massive hairdo and atrocious make up comes making her way in front of thr\e ladies seta where the old man is sitting. “Uncle ye ladies seat hai!!!”, she taunts garrulously. I mean what sort of a person will make an old man who can barely walk get up for a dumb seat!!! All this while I-the angel was sitting on the seat for the handicapped which had become vacant in the meanwhile. So coming back to the scenario: The old man gets up. A sudden urge and I get up n offer him my seat again(the reserved for the handicapped).He sits and all is peaceful.*phew*. The bus stops at jain society-sion. An old female boards the bus. Working her way till the ladies seat she finds all of them occupied by ladies only.Here the angelic me cannot offer her a seat as I too am standing. Then an oldy sitting on the old people’s seat prompts the younger woman besides him to get up and offer her seat. But the woman doesn’t pay any heed. Seeing this the ladies behind her started the work of persuading her.Keeping mum all the time she kept giving looks to the oldy. Then a gujju lady started taunting her in gujurati,then the conductor steps in,and then the whole bus!!!! LITERALLY!!!.Just to provide a seat to an old stranger!!! The woman finally gets up. Its like a battle won. This whole incident might just be funny but its depicts the spirit of Mumbai. One who says Mumbai is a rude city should be doomed…*really*..watchya think???...
Okay so now I’m al set to get down…and one more old lady boards the bus…who will fight for her??;;lolz

2007-07-12T05:42:00.000-07:00

That night..
Mist blowing mellow….there sat both, on the bench, that night. Hiding away from the world ,so no one could see them ,recognize them. Fingers intertwined, sweet nothings whispered, warm shrugs , brushing of the hair. His protective, possessive ,loving hands stroking the hair falling on her brow. A blank stare . A loving glance. Shifting of seats. Pumping of hearts . One more look A sunken feeling. A feeling of love encompassing them. Surrounded with confusion ,in the bubble of excitement.*teenage excitement* .too happy to be together.…..and the meeting of lips. A mellow breeze flowed. Swaying them both in euphoria. Away from the world…hiding away…..behind the bush…that night..
He made her feel like a woman for the first time in her life…His hands moving on her….neck to waist to thighs. A metamorphosis in her. Growing up, from a small girl to a lady…..
Both still in the bubble of excitement…as it ends….sitting there dazed fingers still interlinked….she holding on to him….sitting close, closer than ever, his soothing hand around her… Pondering over what happened…how it happened and most of all WHY it happened…both sensing the common feeling…the thread that bound them together..LOVE
This could be it, I think I'm in loveIt's love this timeIt just seems to fit, I think I'm in loveThis love is mine

Oh.when you kiss me
know you miss me--and when you're with meThe world just goes awayThe way you hold meThe way you show me that youadore me--oh, when you kiss meOh, yeah
-feeling that day …

I shudder..
As I think about all this.. it brings a smile on my face. A feeling of amusement. And lots of pain. It has the prowess to get a lump to my throat . As I realize the feeling is not left anymore. It flows like water…with an emptiness in it…a thing capable of breeding life but lifeless. I shudder as I know I am all alone. I again smile as I’m reminded of a famous quote “zindagi main akele aayoge akele jayoge”. Quite true I must say. But I become glum as fast as I smiled . feeling as it’s the end of the world..so much pain n so much hatred..between the two souls who claimed to have loved each other….
I thought is all this worth the pain I’m suffering?Was he worth it?Was He worth Me?? The answer was NO!!! different questions but a monosyllabic answer NO!! I deserved better than this brooding!!! Life was a challenge! Call it selfhelp..but still self help is the best help.NO dependence only independence.. I felt free… A bird let out from the cage of self demining!!!

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just random thoughts of a teenage gurl who' gets dumped by her boyfriend...wrote it loong back though...i write whacky stuff!! lolz...